


home is far away

by misosphere



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Drabble, Songfic, Yang Jeongin | I.N-centric, im sorry dont kill me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-17
Updated: 2018-08-17
Packaged: 2019-06-28 20:27:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 885
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15714504
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/misosphere/pseuds/misosphere
Summary: yang jeongin is the smiling maknae of stray kids but despite of his youth, he finds himself missing his childhood.





	home is far away

_home is far away - epik high ft. oh hyuk //_

 

Home is not here. It's something my heart always whispers to me in the space that isn't consumed with worries, stress, responsibilities, and weariness. It's childish, I know it is, but at the same time, no matter how much I try to cure my homesickness by looking up my former hometown on Google, it always returns stronger.

 

If you took a look at me, I guess you wouldn't really suspect anything, just a smiling kid in braces who wishes to cheer up everyone around them. In a way, I'm the dependable one, the anchor. One could consider me the constant in a variable, someone who was always predictable. Always happy. Always the image that I try my hardest to keep up even when things get hard.

 

"Which place do you like better?" I've heard too many people ask, their eyes peering at me in good nature and piercing uncomfortably into my soul like needles.

 

"Definitely over here," I've replied too many times to please them, my throat tightening and my hands shaking in the purposely too-long sleeves, pockets, anything I can hide them with. Of course, it's all hidden with that smile, my smile that I hate and love at the same time. My image. Why don't they understand that both places of here and there are something special to me, there is none that I could choose over the other. _There_ led me to be who I am now, molding me like a piece of Play-Doh, yet fooling me that the world was always a happy place. Play-Doh because I'm still a child, hidden by the mature front that I chose for myself. _Here_ is teaching me how to be mature, but at the same time, it's taxing on my mentalities. Both with their positives, yet both with their flaws.

 

I used to think that home was where the heart was. However, my heart belongs to the people here that I love; yet it still insists on clinging on to my former hometown. Sometimes, I ponder about how my life would've been different if I stayed there. And as much as I hate the fact that I can't be there…

 

Home is always a comforting thought. I ramble about it occasionally, talking about how my parents and I would go to that particular bakery that always smelled like a soothing myriad of breads and teas that drifted through our noses. I talked about my friends, best friends, annoying people, teachers, practically everyone. A soft smile always drifts on my face like a sparse cloud on a sunny day, reminiscent memories bleaching my blue sky away to a white canvas. I love the way I didn't have to worry whenever I was home without my parents because the neighbors have known me since I was a young child. I love the way I could be myself without people judging because they already knew who I was. I love the way I was close with so many people and so familiar with their routines because those kind of things become ingrained in your mind after knowing them so long. Sometimes I think about what would happen if I just quit everything I was doing and went back, but I know better, I know that it would be different than the stark memories that are slowly fading away with every second that passes.

 

As I close my eyes, my imagination always shifts to the image of my house first. I remember that when we first bought it, there was practically nothing on its lawn; I remember everyone in my family pitching in to plant different fruits and roses, cultivating them until they were the pride of our neighborhood. "Like Alice in Wonderland" someone told us one time, much to our delight. If I went back though… I can see it so vividly, the roses wilting and the fruit lying on the branches untouched by the current owners' busy lives. Downtown would still be crowded because Market Night on Thursdays and Saturdays was the most upbeat, social experience you could get in our small town, but I would expect some shops to be closed here and there. If I went in the pizza shop or the movie theater or any of the other places I frequented as a kid, no one would recognize me because I've grown up and out of their minds, breaking apart the little memories they would have of me. More than half of the teachers at my old schools would be gone or retired, since they were all at that ripe age even when I was just in kindergarten. Half of my friends would've forgotten about me since we were young, eventually ceasing to reply to my messages that tried to cling to the past. Another half of my friends would look at me with fake comfort and pretend like it was the same, like there wasn't an awkward space between us.

 

It's upsetting when the tapestry unfolds in my head, dull colors of 'mights' and 'what could've beens' bashing against the monochromatic 'you don't belong here anymores'.

 

Imagination, friends, childhood, youth, the _past_. All of these and so much more reminds me like a pounding, incessant, horribly composed bass line:

 

Home is far away.

**Author's Note:**

> reading this, you're probably wondering why i kept it really vague lol. uhm the reason i kept it vague is because i originally wrote this as a venting thing (at 3am in the morning while listening to insomnia on repeat woW), but then i realized that i wanted to publish this and our fandom name/stray kids comeback was recent so what better way to celebrate than to publish this as a fic? anyways, i was thinking this could possibly turn into a chaptered fic about stray kids being family so i would love your thoughts on that! yeah or nah? (wow cringey line sorry) thank you so much for clicking and i hope you enjoyed! <3


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